Locked and Loaded: Mega-Maga's Plan for a Machine Gun in Every Home
Tim from Thinky Tanky News (Tim): "Thank you for this exclusive continuing series of interviews, Meagan. Let's get right to it. You're campaigning as a Republican write-in candidate for POTUS. But you should have entered the primaries, and President Trump just received an endorsement from the NRA after he promised to protect gun rights. How do you stand a chance against such odds?
Meagan Mega-Maga (MMM): It is quite easy, Timmy. We establishing a new organization to protect gun rights. The NRA only cares about rifles since that is their name. I want to start the NMGA, the "National Machine Gun Association," protecting the rights of every American of all sexes and sexual persuasions to own a machine gun. Furthermore, I believe the U.S. government should provide free ammunition for all those machine guns since they are the largest purchaser of machine gun bullets, and they can get a great price per machine gun bullet.
Tim: "I have to say, Meagan, providing free machine guns and ammunition to every American sounds incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. Surely you can't be serious about such a radical proposal?"
MMM: "Oh, but I am serious, Timmy! As serious as a bullet through the heart. You see, the root of all our problems in this country is that we don't have enough firepower in the hands of the people. If every man, woman, and child was packing heat, crime would be non-existent. Criminals would think twice before robbing a house if they knew a 6-year-old was waiting with an M60 machine gun."
Tim: "That's... that's insane! What about accidental shootings? Stray bullets? The sheer carnage that would ensue?"
MMM: "Pish posh, Timmy. You worry too much. That's why, as part of my platform, I'll also be providing free body armor to every citizen. Bulletproof vests for all! We'll be the safest, most armed-to-the-teeth nation in the world."
Tim: "I...I don't even know what to say. This is a parody, right? Please tell me you're not actually proposing to turn America into one giant war zone."
MMM: "Of course not, Timmy! It'll be a well-regulated war zone. Maybe we can even host competitive machine gun tournaments, like a bigger, better version of your silly darts idea. Now that's real family entertainment!"
Tim: "I think I've heard enough. Meagan Mega-Maga, ladies and gentlemen - a candidate so extreme, so off-the-wall, that she makes even the most ardent gun enthusiasts look tame by comparison. God help us all if she ever gets anywhere near the White House...